In Love with Keisha

“Where your treasure is (invested) is the place you will most want to be” (Matthew 6:21) The Message Bible

“Feeling” is the Fruit, “Doing” is the root

The basis of marriage is love but that is not the whole picture.  Everything boils down to choices.  Your will is where it all begins.  When I think of my marriage I think of home.  It is my pot of soil that allows me to grow and I take good care of it.  (Most of the time )

I see marriage as the greatest vehicle for growth.  When we live with and love imperfect people, we mature, master acceptance and embrace gratitude and contentment.  Marital growth will take place when we are willing, mindful, and make it a priority.

Be Willing

Are you willing … ?  It is one of the first questions I ask when working with couples.  For example: Are you willing to recommit to the marriage?  Are you willing to end that physical or emotional relationship out of the marriage?  Are you willing to put your cell phone down at dinner?  Are you willing to invest your time and energy into your relationship without expectation?  Are you willing to change?Marriage requires willingness.  Yes, that means there is a lot of work.  Your human relationships deserve  more of you.  Even a dead love will live again when you invest in it.

Be Mindful

Being mindful really means staying focused on your present moment.  Do not fall into the trap of waiting until the perfect moment.  Tell your partner how you feel about them… often!  Be mindful in your communication.  Check in with your spouse and talk with them about more than the logistics of life (taking care of the children, house, parents, etc.)  Communicate about what is real for you and them.  Spend meaningful time together.  Carve out alone time for the couple and marriage.  Time is the best way to stay mindful.  When you are enjoying your spouse, creating memories and connecting with them … it is a lot easier to be mindful of the needs of your spouse and the marriage.

Prioritize the Marriage

The marriage comes first.  All other people and events come after.  When you and your partner know that you both place top on each other’s priority list, it is easier to relax and trust in the relationship.  With that type of safety and security in your marriage there’s no stopping your individual and marital growth potential.  Plus

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, the spillover effect will benefit all of your other relationships (children, parents, work, and play).  Everyone benefits from your happy marriage!

We are going to switch gears and focus on DATING in October!  Please tell all your single friends to subscribe to my blog and Like me on Facebook.  If you have a question… go to Ask Keisha and submit.  I will be addressing all your questions and comments.

Thank you for supporting In Love… With Keisha!

Not every relationship that you encounter is for YOU.  I remember watching Oprah one day, probably during one of my all day catch up on Oprah marathon Sundays, and they were talking about the book with the same title as this blog post.  It was revolutionary for me.  Do you know how much time and energy I wasted on guys that weren’t into me?!?!?  Tons of time and energy!  No, too much time and energy!  What I realized then was that I was not alone, but I was also so excited for all the women out there who are not going to spend another day wasting their energy on someone who’s NOT into them!  Of course, It’s not only women who experience this so this post is for men also!

I really felt led to talk about this today because I am encountering more and more people who are in the wrong relationships.  They are tied up in knots because the person they are with are not treating them well, not valuing them, just NOT relationship material.  And what do they do… they internalize these actions as rejection.

Let Them De-Cloak

All relationships have a honeymoon period.  As a good friend of mine likes to say

, “In the beginning… They smell good, they look good, they feel good.”  We all put our best foot forward when we meet someone new.  However, over time we will all de-cloak.  What I mean by that is, we all eventually will start to feel comfortable and want to settle in and take our coat off and stay for awhile.  The person they are when they are comfortable, is typically the person we are in this relationship with for the long haul.

You’re Not Magical … So, Stop Waving Your Wand!

Yes, people do evolve and they change.  However, I don’t care how amazing you are, if your partner’s inner thermometer doesn’t prompt them to be the best person they need to be in and out of the relationship they will not show up in the relationship as the partner you desire.  Change is always an internal process.  You cannot make them change.  So, they can be really great people and show you glimmers of hope, especially in the beginning.  When they are not relationship worthy, you will receive these messages:

“I don’t really like you that much.”

“I don’t like to show affection.”

“I only text, I don’t really like to talk on the phone.”

“I don’t really have time to go out.”

“I don’t really have time for a relationship.”

Trust your instincts and believe what they are telling you and showing you.  Do not ignore the signs.  If it looks like a snake, sounds like a snake, and it feels like a snake … Honey, it is a snake!

Don’t Block Your Blessings

When I started to let go of those people that really weren’t for me, it made room for my husband.  The right relationship is available to everybody.  Have the courage to say no to the relationships that don’t serve you and be ready for that person that is really into YOU!

Touch is a powerful communication tool that is free to give.  The more genuine and loving you are in your touch the more open you are to giving and receiving love.

Touch your mate

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, touch your children, touch your neighbor.   Don’t wait … It’s imperative now!  Someone needs it, and you are the right person for the job!