How To Be Married And Happy!

How To Be Married and Happy (Part 1)

“Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift.” Ecclesiastes 9:9 (The Message Bible)

Marriage and Happiness Starts with Self-Examination

As a marriage therapist and relationship coach, when a couple comes in to work on their relationship they are usually focused on what their spouse is doing wrong.  The interesting thing is that both people are aware that they are doing things that are damaging to the relationship, however, their focus is typically not on themselves.  Why is that?

Re-Examine Your Thinking

Do you expect your partner to be perfect?  Of course not, you would probably say!However, I want you to take a moment before answering.  Do you spend more time paying attention to your spouse’s faults or their beauty?   Everybody knows that they married people with flaws, but for some reason we don’t want to be reminded of them. We are all works in progress, and happiness is about coming to terms with that.  When you look at your spouse so critically, you have essentially stopped loving them and started judging them. Marriage was meant to be a safe place to grow!

Do you expect your mate to make you happy? If so, that expectation is unrealistic and unattainable.  Don’t set your partner up for failure!  That is not their responsibility.  Happiness is an internal process.  If you find yourself unhappy in your relationship, take a look at yourself.  Are you working hard at being the person you want to be.  If not, is that the real source of those feelings of unhappiness?

The flip side of that is, don’t get stuck trying to make your spouse happy.  Remember being loving is different than making someone happy.  The first is a choice, the second is sabotage. When you spend all of your energy trying to please someone in an attempt to make them happy, you typically lose yourself and will not get the results you desire. (I will talk more about the pleasing pitfall in a future post)

For Marriage Happiness … Work On Yourself In These Vulnerable Areas:


  • Practice Generosity
  • Practice Delayed Gratification
  • Practice Fiscal Discipline
  • Find Joyful Work/Career

Personal Appearance

  • Always try to look your best, but accept unchangeable features – yours and your spouse’s.
  • Accept aging as a gift and beautiful!


  • Accept comfort and contentment and don’t fall into materialism and pride.
  • Always pursue personal growth.


  • Be Kind
  • Be Considerate
  • Be a Team Player
  • Be a Thoughtful Lover
  • Support Your Spouse
  • Don’t Get Stuck In Roles – Be flexible in your thinking.

What do you think are the keys to marriage & happiness? I would love to hear what you think!

FILED: Love, Marriage, Sex

2 Responses to How To Be Married And Happy!

  1. On August 03, 2011 at 3:30 pm, Peggy Calhoun said:

    In addition to the 6 keys you listed, I think that healthy communication is important as well. In marrage/relationships, we want to feel safe to express our joys and our grievances.

    • On September 26, 2011 at 11:45 am, Keisha said:

      Hi Peggy… Communication IS the key to all relationships! Verbal and non-verbal. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I’m still learning this thing. :)

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