In a nutshell … YES! During this past week, I had two new teenage clients come in. This is nothing new, I work with teenagers all of the time. I really love working with teens because they can be so open and raw. What truly troubles me are when the parents come in that want help for their children but are unwilling to take a look at themselves or their relationships. They just want me to fix their kid and blame everybody else for their problems.
That is why I am on my soapbox today to tell parents that troubled kids are not raised in a vacuum. Children don’t magically come home with problems. Usually their problems start at home… Yes, at home!!
The primary relationship in the home is where everything begins. You are the model for happiness, problem solving, communication, resiliency and a host of other strengthening characteristics that children need as they grow up. Your relationship matters to your children. It might never be verbalized from them, however, it does. When you ignore the problems that you are dealing with in your adult relationship; children pretty soon get the message that they can start ignoring important things in their lives also (i.e., school, being honest, poor choices in friends, saying no to drugs/alcohol). Children can also exhibit a lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, lack focus, poor self image, low self-esteem, difficulty making friends or keeping them.
Parent: “The kids have no idea we are not happy!”
Myth: My Kid(s) Have No Idea That Our Marriage Is Failing/ Or I Am Miserable
Don’t fool yourself! They might not know the details but children are the masters of non-verbal communication. When there is pain in your home, best believe everybody feels it.
Parent: “It would take too long to fix all of the problems in our home, we just need you to work on our son and see if he is using drugs!.”
Myth: It Will Take Too Long To Fix My Marriage
It can take less than 15 minutes a day to transform your marriage. And it will take another 15 minutes a day to work on your family transformation. The beauty in this arrangement is that the second 15 minutes will have miraculous results because you will be working as a loving parenting team.
A great relationship doesn’t guarantee successful parenting results but it sure does lay a hell of a foundation! Many Blessings!